Mathura, India: October 14, 2005
Tridandisvami Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Maharaja
Sri Krsna said, "Oh Devi, Oh You who are the most qualified girl
in the three worlds, even including the Vaikuntha planets. Who in
her right mind would dare to consider herself equal to You, for there
is no one equal to You in this world! I have heard about Your superiority
in the assembly of Parvati, the wife of Lord Siva, and by hearing
Your glories, I have developed the burning desire to meet You. In
my heart arose the enthusiasm to have Your association, and this desire
is now fulfilled. However, I still have one great sadness. The burning
sensation caused by one unfulfilled desire is giving me great sadness.
Srimati Radhika replied, "Oh sakhi, please tell Me, what is Your
unhappiness? She asked again and again, "Why are You feeling
sad?" but despite Her repeated request, Krsna did not reply.
His throat was choked, so even though He looked like He desired to
speak, He could not.
Lord Sri Krsna is performing a drama here. He is trying to increase
Srimati Radhika's curiosity by continually weeping and then, remaining
silent. He finally said, "I have one question. Krsna is very
lusty and passionate. He has many bad qualities, and therefore I do
not understand why You love Him. Your prema is completely pure and
faultless. In Your prema there is no desire for Your own happiness,
and therefore, it can never be destroyed or lost. It is so forceful
that it cannot be checked under any circumstance. Still, how is it
that You can give the affection in Your heart to an unqualified, restless
and lusty person like Krsna? This is the cause of Your suffering,
and others suffering as well."
Sri Krsna is personally describing Himself.
He continued, "Krsna's fame, beauty and everything about Him
is complete. There is no one equal to Him in the three worlds
but He has one huge fault. He has no discrimination or understanding
of the meaning of prema. This fault destroys all His good qualities
and is the root of His bad qualities, and for this reason it is not
proper to give Your affection to Him.
"I was hiding in Vamsi-vat and watching all Your pastimes there,
especially Your dancing in rasa-lila and other pastimes when You met
with Him. I saw that His affection for You was just an artificial
show. He called you to meet Him in a particular place and time, but
what did He do? At that time, He went to another gopi and left You
alone. He is a most crooked fellow. I saw all the gopis crying, and
especially You. Feeling Your pain, all the gopis were weeping for
You, and even the plants, animals, and creepers all cried in sympathy
for You. I saw all of this at Vamsi-vat, and I saw how that cheater
did not cry at all."
In the situation described by Sri Krsna, Srimati Radhika had been
manifesting Her mohanakya-mahabhava, wherein many ecstatic emotions
like prema-vaicittya are experienced. These emotions are described
in Sri Ujjvala-nilamani in the sthayi-bhava section. When Srimati
Radhika experiences mohanakya-mahabhava, all the life-forms weep with
Her. Such is the effect of these ecstatic emotions.
Sri Krsna continued, "I saw how, in rasa-lila, Krsna left all
the gopis for You. He showed so much affection for You but
only for a moment. You told Him, 'I am tired and cannot walk,' so
He took You on His shoulder and then cruelly left You and disappeared.
I saw, Radha, how You wept and lamented. For My entire life, and in
all My future births, I will never be able to forget Your lamentation
at that time. Even if I repeatedly undergo the six changes of material
existence, beginning with birth, growth, producing offspring etc.,
still I will never forget the suffering You had to experience. My
heart had never melted by seeing the different varieties of material
suffering in this world, but the suffering I had to see You undergo
at that time has pierced My heart. I will never be able to remove
it or forget it."
Lord Sri Krsna is criticizing Himself here, because He wants to examine
the depth of Srimati Radhika's prema for Him. He wants to see if Her
prema will decrease by any amount, or if it will break completely.
If it will not be disturbed or broken in any way, but will rather
increase, this will be the proof that it is pure and without any tinge
of selfishness or material designation. Srimati Radhika is the crest
jewel of those who experience prema. Krsna wants to see Her reaction
when She hears His criticism. He has come to taste the nectar of Her
If the beloved hears the faults of her beloved and yet her prema increases
without interruption, this is the proof that her prema is pure. If
one's prema decreases when hearing the faults of one's lover, this
is the proof that the prema is not pure.
Later, after Sri Krsna left Vrndavana to reside in Mathura and sent
Uddhava to Vrndavana with His message, the gopis asked Uddhava a question:
"Oh Uddhava, how did it happen that our prema broke? How is it
that Krsna seems to have no prema for us any more? Our prema was pure."
Uddhava could not give an answer.
Now Sri Krsna as the demigoddess said, "Oh Radha, You are very
simple. Your prema is unlimited and pure. My mind is confused: on
one hand I cannot leave Your association for a moment, and on the
other hand it is intolerable for Me to see Your suffering on account
of Krsna. I cannot stay and I cannot go.
I have revealed My heart to You. I have no faith in Krsna, because
He has all bad qualities. He has no shyness, religious tendencies
or mercy. In fact, He does not have any relationship with the word
'mercy'. His heart is hard like a stone. I heard that as an infant
He killed a woman named Putana. At the age of pauganda (five to ten
years old) He killed a bull named Aristasura, and in His youth He
killed a calf named Vatsasura. His behavior is atrocious."
Srimati Radhika heard everything. She collected Her patience and said,
"Oh most fortunate one, what can I do? Krsna has such a power
of attraction that despite the fact He gives Me so much pain and suffering,
My mind never leaves Him for even a moment. Despite His causing Me
so much pain, My mind always runs to Him. My sakhis have advised Me,
'Don't love Krsna. Don't give Your affection to Him.' Especially Lalita
always warns Me in that way, but what can I do? My mind cannot accept
Her instructions or that of the others. Krsnas power of attraction
is so great, that as soon as I see Him I forget all of His faults
and these warnings, and My mind runs to Him. I have thought many times
to stop loving Him, but as soon as I see Him, I forget everything."
Srimati Radharani Herself is prema-samput, the container of love.
She is revealing Her heart to us by describing the meaning
of prema. Having kept all this in their hearts, the acaryas in our
guru-parampara have very mercifully disclosed their realizations to
us. And, if any of us can get one drop of this prema, this mood, our
lives will be completely successful.
Editorial Advisors: Sripad Madhava Maharaja and Sripad Brajanatha
Translator: Sripad Damodara Maharaja
Transcriber: Vasanti dasi
Typist: Janaki dasi
Editor: Syamarani dasi
Proof-reader: Krsna-kamini dasi