Mathura, India: October 14, 2005
Tridandisvami Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Maharaja
[The following is a continuation of the lecture series on Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura's book, Sri Prema-samput (The Treasure-chest of Love). This book is based on a conversation that takes place in the courtyard of Srimati Radhika’s home in Yavat.]
Sri Krsna said, "Oh Devi, Oh You who are the most qualified girl in the three worlds, even including the Vaikuntha planets. Who in her right mind would dare to consider herself equal to You, for there is no one equal to You in this world! I have heard about Your superiority in the assembly of Parvati, the wife of Lord Siva, and by hearing Your glories, I have developed the burning desire to meet You. In my heart arose the enthusiasm to have Your association, and this desire is now fulfilled. However, I still have one great sadness. The burning sensation caused by one unfulfilled desire is giving me great sadness.
Srimati Radhika replied, "Oh sakhi, please tell Me, what is Your unhappiness? She asked again and again, "Why are You feeling sad?" but despite Her repeated request, Krsna did not reply. His throat was choked, so even though He looked like He desired to speak, He could not.
Lord Sri Krsna is performing a drama here. He is trying to increase Srimati Radhika's curiosity by continually weeping and then, remaining silent. He finally said, "I have one question. Krsna is very lusty and passionate. He has many bad qualities, and therefore I do not understand why You love Him. Your prema is completely pure and faultless. In Your prema there is no desire for Your own happiness, and therefore, it can never be destroyed or lost. It is so forceful that it cannot be checked under any circumstance. Still, how is it that You can give the affection in Your heart to an unqualified, restless and lusty person like Krsna? This is the cause of Your suffering, and others’ suffering as well."
Sri Krsna is personally describing Himself.
He continued, "Krsna's fame, beauty and everything about Him is complete. There is no one equal to Him in the three worlds – but He has one huge fault. He has no discrimination or understanding of the meaning of prema. This fault destroys all His good qualities and is the root of His bad qualities, and for this reason it is not proper to give Your affection to Him.
"I was hiding in Vamsi-vat and watching all Your pastimes there, especially Your dancing in rasa-lila and other pastimes when You met with Him. I saw that His affection for You was just an artificial show. He called you to meet Him in a particular place and time, but what did He do? At that time, He went to another gopi and left You alone. He is a most crooked fellow. I saw all the gopis crying, and especially You. Feeling Your pain, all the gopis were weeping for You, and even the plants, animals, and creepers all cried in sympathy for You. I saw all of this at Vamsi-vat, and I saw how that cheater did not cry at all."
In the situation described by Sri Krsna, Srimati Radhika had been manifesting Her mohanakya-mahabhava, wherein many ecstatic emotions like prema-vaicittya are experienced. These emotions are described in Sri Ujjvala-nilamani in the sthayi-bhava section. When Srimati Radhika experiences mohanakya-mahabhava, all the life-forms weep with Her. Such is the effect of these ecstatic emotions.
Sri Krsna continued, "I saw how, in rasa-lila, Krsna left all the gopis for You. He showed so much affection for You – but only for a moment. You told Him, 'I am tired and cannot walk,' so He took You on His shoulder and then cruelly left You and disappeared. I saw, Radha, how You wept and lamented. For My entire life, and in all My future births, I will never be able to forget Your lamentation at that time. Even if I repeatedly undergo the six changes of material existence, beginning with birth, growth, producing offspring etc., still I will never forget the suffering You had to experience. My heart had never melted by seeing the different varieties of material suffering in this world, but the suffering I had to see You undergo at that time has pierced My heart. I will never be able to remove it or forget it."
Lord Sri Krsna is criticizing Himself here, because He wants to examine the depth of Srimati Radhika's prema for Him. He wants to see if Her prema will decrease by any amount, or if it will break completely. If it will not be disturbed or broken in any way, but will rather increase, this will be the proof that it is pure and without any tinge of selfishness or material designation. Srimati Radhika is the crest jewel of those who experience prema. Krsna wants to see Her reaction when She hears His criticism. He has come to taste the nectar of Her speech.
If the beloved hears the faults of her beloved and yet her prema increases without interruption, this is the proof that her prema is pure. If one's prema decreases when hearing the faults of one's lover, this is the proof that the prema is not pure.
Later, after Sri Krsna left Vrndavana to reside in Mathura and sent Uddhava to Vrndavana with His message, the gopis asked Uddhava a question: "Oh Uddhava, how did it happen that our prema broke? How is it that Krsna seems to have no prema for us any more? Our prema was pure." Uddhava could not give an answer.
Now Sri Krsna as the demigoddess said, "Oh Radha, You are very simple. Your prema is unlimited and pure. My mind is confused: on one hand I cannot leave Your association for a moment, and on the other hand it is intolerable for Me to see Your suffering on account of Krsna. I cannot stay and I cannot go.
I have revealed My heart to You. I have no faith in Krsna, because He has all bad qualities. He has no shyness, religious tendencies or mercy. In fact, He does not have any relationship with the word 'mercy'. His heart is hard like a stone. I heard that as an infant He killed a woman named Putana. At the age of pauganda (five to ten years old) He killed a bull named Aristasura, and in His youth He killed a calf named Vatsasura. His behavior is atrocious."
Srimati Radhika heard everything. She collected Her patience and said, "Oh most fortunate one, what can I do? Krsna has such a power of attraction that despite the fact He gives Me so much pain and suffering, My mind never leaves Him for even a moment. Despite His causing Me so much pain, My mind always runs to Him. My sakhis have advised Me, 'Don't love Krsna. Don't give Your affection to Him.' Especially Lalita always warns Me in that way, but what can I do? My mind cannot accept Her instructions or that of the others. Krsna’s power of attraction is so great, that as soon as I see Him I forget all of His faults and these warnings, and My mind runs to Him. I have thought many times to stop loving Him, but as soon as I see Him, I forget everything."
Srimati Radharani Herself is prema-samput, the container of love. She is revealing Her heart to us – by describing the meaning of prema. Having kept all this in their hearts, the acaryas in our guru-parampara have very mercifully disclosed their realizations to us. And, if any of us can get one drop of this prema, this mood, our lives will be completely successful.
Translator: Sripad Damodara Maharaja
Transcriber: Vasanti dasi
Typist: Janaki dasi
Editor: Syamarani dasi
Proof-reader: Krsna-kamini dasi